CLASSIFIED

FOR SALE (better yet, we'll pay you to take her):
Chocolate lab mix (we're not quite sure what she's mixed with...but "mixed" nonetheless). She's about 2 yrs old (or so they told my brother when he so generously picked her out from the pound for my parents). She's very lovable (so "lovable" she'll never give you a moment to yourself, especially when you're eating). If you leave her alone for too long (especially if her owner leaves her for the weekend), she'll leave you BIG presents on the kitchen floor (atleast it's not on the carpet). She will even help you clean off your countertops if you "forget" any food on them (you know, raw hamburger in the sink, a whole loaf of bread, or whatever she may find). She barks incessantly when left outside on her chain (unless, of course, you put her "training collar" on her and give her a zap every now and then). She looks malnourished and doesn't seem to put on any weight even when we sneak her some extra food (it just makes her leave extra piles, I mean presents).
Did I mention...we'll even pay you to take her... Oh, and we'll give you a bag of food for free... and some snacks if you want.... Just let us know what we can do to convince you that you could give her a happy, lovable environment!

Oh and another thing....
Does anyone have a house we can buy??? Soon??? If you'll take the dog, we wouldn't have to move in right away...we'd be willing to wait a little while longer.
Thanks for your consideration.
We hope to hear back from you soon.
1-800-FREE DOG